If life was simple, I wonder how it would be?

We all live in a world of complicated coincidences. Our lives are all tangled in a mess of threads, some hanging loose waiting to be tugged, some stretched tight on the verge of breaking, & others lay low trying hard to hide deep in the obscurity of strings.

We live as we live, knowing we will die one day. Some choose to live life to the fullest because of it, some choose to live in fear, & many others choose to live in ignorance.

To me, it was living for others, but now I was somehow hinted that I no longer have to care.

I can’t remember what happened then, but something about them said they loved me. However now I somewhat don’t think they mean forever anymore. Cuz all the trust they used tell me about was just crap in the end.

Makes me wonder to them,
am not able to take good care of myself?
Do I not have my own stand?
Am I such a vulnerable person?
Am I very naïve?
Have I not gone through enough in this screwed up life of mine to earn the right to tell them that they are actually very blessed people?

I was convinced after yesterday. But also confused.
It’s like right now, I can no longer differentiate what are the things I must do to be normal in their perceptions & what are the things I shouldn’t do for they’ll find me weird. They said I wasn’t myself, but then again if they can argue that they know themselves best, how fair it is to me while they conclude that I wasn’t myself when they wasn’t me?

Now for the sake of normality, I gave up my freedom of speech & actions. Now for the sake of normality, I lost the right to express my emotions the way I think it’s normal. To be normal, I now have to behave like how they want me to, not how I think is normal anymore. I’m so disgusted with expectations seriously. It’s such a big word to swallow.

I know I know. A simple life it could be if I simplify it just as much. But I’m sorry. Pardon me for harping on this matter again. I know it ain't good for the heart, it ain't good for the mind & it certainly ain’t good for the people around me. However honestly,
I really need more than just 2 hours of talking to recover from the whole thing. Just let me rant & vent. I will still love all u 3.

If u really understand me at all, let me struggle out of it myself for this period.
Afterward, I’ll be a better person.