5:20am

Shiet.
I can't sleep. My sleeping pattern is messed up.

Full time’s starting come Sunday. I’m sure I’m not gonna survive waking up to a 9:30am alarm almost daily. Especially when it’s for the sake of work, I’m already half dead just to think about it.

Besides, breakfast is so not my thing. I’ll definitely end up skipping breakfast daily, & then get ultimately turned off by the cramped storeroom in my shop to even have a hearty lunch. Life in sales line is saaaad. We can’t eat out, we can’t eat in at a peace of mind too considering the fact that customers might just pop by anytime. There’s no purpose. No challenges. All nothingness. What’s worst, it requires u to play pretend. Meaning, u gotta behave as though u are god-dammit friendly though u’re really not. The truth must be cruel for my poor boss- most of the time I just feel like biting the head off the shoulders of fussy customers.

I need to find a purpose in life.
I need to feel that I am doing something, & not tied down by a routine because of money. I want to love the place I’m working in, & the colleagues I have around me. People see me in my daily grind- so confident & strong, yet when I’m alone, I question myself where I belong. I often try too hard, to analyze and guess, to scrutinize, & investigate my life. For somewhere deeper there must be some meaning to this life?

I hate money. However I love what money can bring.
How sad.
How cruel, to know that materialism has finally got the better of me.

I believe getting a new job will be the right therapy for it all. I need to get the hell out of sales line. Get the hell out of it before I die of it.