On trust & honesty
- To everyone involved with my blog slander incident.

Trusting people was never an easy task for me.
Though I am relatively friendly, I’m very wary of the people I befriend. That prolly explains why I don’t have many people on my msn list. I know this is toxic to my social life all along, just that I’m too stubborn to recognize this fact. One fine day, I somehow decided that I couldn’t let this ruin anything, & started to loosen my msn pals criteria a tad bit. I let some acquaintances add me up & even put up my usually pretty much secretive blog address on my msn for a period.

The trail was pretty much smooth sailing with no unbearably talkative buggers & phantom evil taggers on my tagboard. My confidence with being more open about adding more friends into my msn list was boosted, & I proceed to add a few of my closer colleagues from the event company I worked for, leaving my blog address still open for all in msn list to see. My private place for me to vent every raw bit of my frustration, devastation, happiness & bliss, was finally opened up a little to my friends just to get an instant wail of alarm in me that I’ve made the wrong decision.

One fateful day, I got so uber pissed off with someone whom I initially thought that she’s from that event management company, I blogged a furious entry flaming that woman as well as the company.& I foolishly thought everything will still be at it’s blissfully peaceful state, til Louanna (I’m not sure if I got the spelling right), one of the person in charge of the company rang me up & told me she’d read my entries cuz one of my colleagues fucking gave her my address.

No she did not turn nasty & start screaming as much as she should, instead she even explained nicely that the department that owes me my pay wasn’t from her company. That plainly means it’s a big, embarrassing misunderstanding on my part that I dragged the whole company into the pool of shit when only one person is at fault. & I’m being freaking unfair to people who’d worked hard in the company including staffs like Serene & Josephine too. The problem was kinda solved with me feeling kinda guilty towards the innocent & also, I’m sure, with quite a number of staffs in that company murmuring about how evil a person I am. I'm imagining Clement, Jimmy & some of those nice friends I've made in the company doing that too. I hope it's too much thinking on my part.

I try not to let those thoughts become too much of my concern.

I’m now more interested in that nosey person who publicized my blog address.
I instinctively know who that person is & I’m extremely sure. That nosey cow must have her nose bigger than her brains in order to poke it into businesses. To identify her is easy-peasy, cuz I need no more than the sole clue that she’s one of my colleagues. The possibility that I have only added 3 gurls from the company in msn with two being quite close to me must have never crossed her mind. Besides, everyone who’s worked with her knows that she’s a hypocritical boot licker who loves sucking up to the superiors & the popular. Who else but she with stutters in her speech when I’ve rang her up?

Why so frightened? I’m not gonna tick u off what.

My frustrations in that previously offensive entry is not something my imagination had come up with anyway, mind u. I’m not frightened, why are u? I know, cuz I did no one wrong but u did.

At least at that point I'm writing I know I’m penning from fact. It’s not as if I’m gonna go dumbstruck if anyone were to confront me. I can explain myself & I proudly say that I had. At the very least, I admitted that I’ve penned every single words of that entry & apologized for being so undiplomatic. What about u? U daren’t even admit to the creeping behind my back when I confronted u. I’m not angry with u because u gave my blog address to Louanna, I’m angry with u for being so hypocritical. I’m angry because u ruined my confident in trusting anyone ever again single handedly.

I hope u get this clear, no one is gonna think that u’re a respectable super heroine even if u nabbed a slanderer like me. U will not even earn respect from Louanna I think? Cus the picture is pretty apparent that u betrayed someone to bring honour to ur face. Not glam. Very unglam.

Things could have been better between both of us if u can be honest about ur motive of bringing my blog to the company’s attention. I’ll rather u lie to me telling me u meant no harm initially, else I’ll be fine with a ”yea, so what if I did” too.
Cowardly coward.
I despise u.
I’ll see how u’re gonna face me in the future.

If I were u I’ll be too ashamed to face the world too.


****The previous entry on 26th November 2005 was removed due to undiplomatic contents & the publicizing of the event company’s name.