A resolution
u gave meaning to each and every day, comforted me when I was sad, inspired me when I was confused, loved me when I felt I had no love.
I never dared think about not having u with me forever, but I knew it was time to finally let u go when u collapse on 26th may 2004. Seeing u holding onto u last breath pained me more than anything I had ever felt before. u didn’t want to go. I know my little gurl couldn’t bear to leave me. I was wrecked with pain, & I'm sorry I couldn't hide that from u. I knew that u understood, & that night, as u looked at me in my eyes, u also knew what was happening. I finally realized I’ll rather let u go Mao Mao, because I loved u, but my memory of u is something I will cling onto till the day I’m gone. Though I long to hold u again, I can close my eyes and feel u; knowing that u are somewhere near, still giving me the comfort like how it was a year ago.
Though our kinship lasted merely more then 5 years, I felt I never took the time we had together for granted. U found me & I had been made richer by the experience. Now that u are gone, there is an unusual and peculiar silence in the house. No longer hearing the familiar shuffling noises of ur paws on our kitchen floor & the toppling of ur bowl. I wonder if u’re doing the same thing in bunny heaven?
Many people have asked me if there will be a replacement; right now I’ll have to say no. I don’t think it will be ever possible to transfer my love to another bunny; but the absence of u has implanted a soft spot for all animals in me. I never had a chance to love u til the end; perhaps they’ll fulfill it in ur place?
Admittedly, I’ll often rather not bring u up in front of my friends though I’m uber proud of u. I’m afraid I might one day just break down in front of someone if the discussion about u gets a wee bit too in depth. Up til now, I’m still in control, but not in total control. This is a little secret I’ve buried in myself for too long. So long I finally realized I’m actually living in denial. Nothing’s getting better & that shouldn’t be the way it should be. That gung-ho gurl that had already stopped grieving over her dead bunny is not me. I’m surprised; by the fact that I’m still trying to face the loss of Mao Mao. Ain’t this supposed to be long over?
No more denial Angie.
Surely u won’t want this to haunt u for life?
Surely u couldn’t be such a weakling?
I’m sure u can walk out of this, & one day u’ll have the courage to flip through Mao Mao’s photo album without slamming it shut halfway to avoid crying.
I can cuz I’m Angie & I’m a self-proclaimed optimist :)
Watch me will u?
Ur picture is on my desk, and u won't soon be forgotten.
u gave meaning to each and every day, comforted me when I was sad, inspired me when I was confused, loved me when I felt I had no love.
I never dared think about not having u with me forever, but I knew it was time to finally let u go when u collapse on 26th may 2004. Seeing u holding onto u last breath pained me more than anything I had ever felt before. u didn’t want to go. I know my little gurl couldn’t bear to leave me. I was wrecked with pain, & I'm sorry I couldn't hide that from u. I knew that u understood, & that night, as u looked at me in my eyes, u also knew what was happening. I finally realized I’ll rather let u go Mao Mao, because I loved u, but my memory of u is something I will cling onto till the day I’m gone. Though I long to hold u again, I can close my eyes and feel u; knowing that u are somewhere near, still giving me the comfort like how it was a year ago.
Though our kinship lasted merely more then 5 years, I felt I never took the time we had together for granted. U found me & I had been made richer by the experience. Now that u are gone, there is an unusual and peculiar silence in the house. No longer hearing the familiar shuffling noises of ur paws on our kitchen floor & the toppling of ur bowl. I wonder if u’re doing the same thing in bunny heaven?
Many people have asked me if there will be a replacement; right now I’ll have to say no. I don’t think it will be ever possible to transfer my love to another bunny; but the absence of u has implanted a soft spot for all animals in me. I never had a chance to love u til the end; perhaps they’ll fulfill it in ur place?
Admittedly, I’ll often rather not bring u up in front of my friends though I’m uber proud of u. I’m afraid I might one day just break down in front of someone if the discussion about u gets a wee bit too in depth. Up til now, I’m still in control, but not in total control. This is a little secret I’ve buried in myself for too long. So long I finally realized I’m actually living in denial. Nothing’s getting better & that shouldn’t be the way it should be. That gung-ho gurl that had already stopped grieving over her dead bunny is not me. I’m surprised; by the fact that I’m still trying to face the loss of Mao Mao. Ain’t this supposed to be long over?
No more denial Angie.
Surely u won’t want this to haunt u for life?
Surely u couldn’t be such a weakling?
I’m sure u can walk out of this, & one day u’ll have the courage to flip through Mao Mao’s photo album without slamming it shut halfway to avoid crying.
I can cuz I’m Angie & I’m a self-proclaimed optimist :)
Watch me will u?
Ur picture is on my desk, and u won't soon be forgotten.
posted by Angie | Wednesday, October 26, 2005
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