For my dear Heather
Sorry gurl, I owe u a proper reply through email but my PC is lagging like fark. Hope u understand. I haven't been feeling my best & this explains a reply later then I've promised. Anyway, it isn't gonna be a long reply. Just a few sincere words to let u know that everything is fine between us & u're still my good ol' best friend Heather Mor Mor Lee :) Meet up sometime & I'll fill u in with my life alright? Oh yep, I won't mind pouring blue eyeliner around my eye if it fascinates u LOL! That line tickles me like hell LOL! Take care always *Huggies*
Make it stop
Stop those medications.
It's making my already agonizing sore throat & cough even more unbearable. It sucks being tied down by è never ending routine of time keeping & remembering which one to down first & which last. It sucks especially if u're deprived of è right to seek other medical help. Alright, some people might not know what è hell I'm talking about. I'm not gonna go into details but what I can say is that there's nothing I can do but to sit & watch my illness dissipate by itself. I've had enough. I think I'll be far better without any medications, since it gives me nothing more then agony & inconveniences. I'm gonna touch them no more, I swear. Life is after all meant to make urself feel more comfortable & carefree.
Stop slipping deeper into self-destruct.
I'll like to see u happy & bubbly again. For now u may seem so but it's bringing more heart wrench than relieve to me. That's because I know how soon è day will come that u'll fall even harder & that I shall fall with u.
Stop making me lie to myself.
It's hell having to live a living lie.To live in a lie that I'm feeling perfectly alright & glad for u.
Stop making me hold back my what-ifs.
I know u'll love to shut all of them out of ur life, but they'll be doomed to dwell in me; killing me slowly.
Stop my paranoia.
I'm glad to see u smile after someone gave u hope, assuring u of things that u wanted so much to hear; but why are u still blind to è high possibility that it might prolly be some a way he employ in order to shut u up? I'm not killing ur hope.
è hope u hold may shield u for a while, but where will u be if one day è hope is gone? I mean gone forever? Are u going to batter me with more frightful stuff & put me under è fear of losing u any second, again?
As long as u're happy are words from è bottom of my heart, but what is happy if u have to pay a high price for that? I'm hoping u can understand why I'm always a wet blanket & why I'm always a paranoid. I'm different from u, I live for tomorrow. & please let me emphasize something: If u think it'll be better off without me interfering in ur life please please please let me know. U know how much it hurts being told that they don't wanna hurt u but ends up hurting u even more.
Stop pretending to be a saint, blessing people with false hopes.
I hope one day u'll get a taste of what it is like to be hurt like that. & I believe that day won't be far away. Don't take him for granted when he says he wouldn't let anyone bully u. Don't make him ur spare tyre & that u'll only turn back to him after that mother farker. U're hopeless & a piece of trash. U've got a retarded smile & u speak & think like a retard too. There's no black magic in this world but I'm starting to get taken in by otherwise. He must be under ur spell.
Alright, I'm spouting nonsense.
I don't want to tear u up. I don't want to get my hands on a dirty job of killing a weakling.
& I'm telling u now that I freaking hate u. To è core.
I'm darn sure nothing would change my mind.
I'll rather u kill me.
I'm sure it'll be far better than feeling sick everyday each time I thought of u.
U make me wanna puke.
Stop telling me how much more important I am compared to another person.
Those words are not what I'm perpetually eyeing at when I stand by u. I hope u understand. Besides, u just proved to me that those words are nothing but a spell to pacify me, simply becos u can live without me; Or to put it in another way, u can die for another person but can't freaking live for me. U've got loving folks around, u're well off & u've got dreams to chase after. So much unlike me who can't even be sure of my future paths. Be strong. Stay strong. & yep, please wake up. Treat it as a good turn u can do for me before it's too late.
U can laugh at those nightmares of mine but u have no idea how much impact they have on me & how difficult it is for me to laugh along with u. Moreover I'm pretty convinced that they might be a premonition. I'm scared. Worn out by fear. & I think sleeping won't help cos all it does is to transport me to another frightful world. Behind it all, I'm hoping my plight will be considered for once. Just this once. Save me anyone.
I have quite enough of frights & trauma, but not a bit of solace. It appears to me that u're more concerned about how u've frightened that pea-brain than how distressed I am.
& I don't freaking need any judgment from a retard on whether or not I'm a good friend. When I hate u, I shut all u said out & there's nothing u can do to make me like u.
Fark off, jackass.
Sorry gurl, I owe u a proper reply through email but my PC is lagging like fark. Hope u understand. I haven't been feeling my best & this explains a reply later then I've promised. Anyway, it isn't gonna be a long reply. Just a few sincere words to let u know that everything is fine between us & u're still my good ol' best friend Heather Mor Mor Lee :) Meet up sometime & I'll fill u in with my life alright? Oh yep, I won't mind pouring blue eyeliner around my eye if it fascinates u LOL! That line tickles me like hell LOL! Take care always *Huggies*
Make it stop
Stop those medications.
It's making my already agonizing sore throat & cough even more unbearable. It sucks being tied down by è never ending routine of time keeping & remembering which one to down first & which last. It sucks especially if u're deprived of è right to seek other medical help. Alright, some people might not know what è hell I'm talking about. I'm not gonna go into details but what I can say is that there's nothing I can do but to sit & watch my illness dissipate by itself. I've had enough. I think I'll be far better without any medications, since it gives me nothing more then agony & inconveniences. I'm gonna touch them no more, I swear. Life is after all meant to make urself feel more comfortable & carefree.
Stop slipping deeper into self-destruct.
I'll like to see u happy & bubbly again. For now u may seem so but it's bringing more heart wrench than relieve to me. That's because I know how soon è day will come that u'll fall even harder & that I shall fall with u.
Stop making me lie to myself.
It's hell having to live a living lie.To live in a lie that I'm feeling perfectly alright & glad for u.
Stop making me hold back my what-ifs.
I know u'll love to shut all of them out of ur life, but they'll be doomed to dwell in me; killing me slowly.
Stop my paranoia.
I'm glad to see u smile after someone gave u hope, assuring u of things that u wanted so much to hear; but why are u still blind to è high possibility that it might prolly be some a way he employ in order to shut u up? I'm not killing ur hope.
è hope u hold may shield u for a while, but where will u be if one day è hope is gone? I mean gone forever? Are u going to batter me with more frightful stuff & put me under è fear of losing u any second, again?
As long as u're happy are words from è bottom of my heart, but what is happy if u have to pay a high price for that? I'm hoping u can understand why I'm always a wet blanket & why I'm always a paranoid. I'm different from u, I live for tomorrow. & please let me emphasize something: If u think it'll be better off without me interfering in ur life please please please let me know. U know how much it hurts being told that they don't wanna hurt u but ends up hurting u even more.
Stop pretending to be a saint, blessing people with false hopes.
I hope one day u'll get a taste of what it is like to be hurt like that. & I believe that day won't be far away. Don't take him for granted when he says he wouldn't let anyone bully u. Don't make him ur spare tyre & that u'll only turn back to him after that mother farker. U're hopeless & a piece of trash. U've got a retarded smile & u speak & think like a retard too. There's no black magic in this world but I'm starting to get taken in by otherwise. He must be under ur spell.
Alright, I'm spouting nonsense.
I don't want to tear u up. I don't want to get my hands on a dirty job of killing a weakling.
& I'm telling u now that I freaking hate u. To è core.
I'm darn sure nothing would change my mind.
I'll rather u kill me.
I'm sure it'll be far better than feeling sick everyday each time I thought of u.
U make me wanna puke.
Stop telling me how much more important I am compared to another person.
Those words are not what I'm perpetually eyeing at when I stand by u. I hope u understand. Besides, u just proved to me that those words are nothing but a spell to pacify me, simply becos u can live without me; Or to put it in another way, u can die for another person but can't freaking live for me. U've got loving folks around, u're well off & u've got dreams to chase after. So much unlike me who can't even be sure of my future paths. Be strong. Stay strong. & yep, please wake up. Treat it as a good turn u can do for me before it's too late.
U can laugh at those nightmares of mine but u have no idea how much impact they have on me & how difficult it is for me to laugh along with u. Moreover I'm pretty convinced that they might be a premonition. I'm scared. Worn out by fear. & I think sleeping won't help cos all it does is to transport me to another frightful world. Behind it all, I'm hoping my plight will be considered for once. Just this once. Save me anyone.
I have quite enough of frights & trauma, but not a bit of solace. It appears to me that u're more concerned about how u've frightened that pea-brain than how distressed I am.
& I don't freaking need any judgment from a retard on whether or not I'm a good friend. When I hate u, I shut all u said out & there's nothing u can do to make me like u.
Fark off, jackass.
posted by Angie | Tuesday, June 08, 2004
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