I'm not disgusted. It's probably overawed by hurt.
It came as expected, but little do I know that it'll come to me much hurtful than I can ever imagine. It feels like I'm losing u to somebody else, but I'm actually losing u to u. I'm not sure if numbed is è truth or just an excuse I churn out as a supporting reason for my surprising calmness. I might be trying to conceal my most daunting emotions in front of u. I don't know, but it's tearing me apart.
Ever wanted so badly to help somebody, but u can really do nothing but to sit and watch him wither away?
Ever tried to sound perfectly alright over è phone trying to hide ur flowing tears & bleeding heart from somebody?
Ever held back a million cutting truth to set someone free?
Ever tasted disappointment cos that person ends up accusing u of not being understanding when u had literally sacrificed everything just to make him feel better?
I hate seeing through ur deceits. That ability just ain't within my control. I'm not blaming u for lying, but if u have to do it for heaven's sake please do a better job. Cos it hurts like fark each time I act like I've fallen for ur lies. Hopefully ur decision to be truthful will end it once & for all. & I really mean once & for all.
I should be glad but somehow è feeling of euphoria haven't got me. I can't evaluate my emotions. Half of me is happy that u're finally opening up but another half is yearning to continue living a lie. Ur truthfulness somehow denies me of è courage to make any further objections, but I know I'll hate u to è core if u let me uncover è devastating reality myself. I'm so contradicting & so fickle minded I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I fear è day that person makes u drift from me; è day when ur friends no longer mean that much anymore. Before u say I'm being paranoid, ask urself all these & cross ur heart: How many times have u left in è middle of our meet ups just because u wanted to meet that person? How many times u'll rather cancel our meet up to meet è same person if it means only both of us? Don't argue that u've already asked me whether u could go ahead. U mean I could say no? U've already decided. Besides u know jolly well that I'm not one bit of a control freak. Bet u didn't know this, but I'm feeling detached from ur life.
U're not a bit at fault, it's just me.
Everything I handled somehow became a mistake.
People like me should migrate to Mars one day in case I screw up beautiful earth.
**Don't ask me anything. Leave me alone.**
It came as expected, but little do I know that it'll come to me much hurtful than I can ever imagine. It feels like I'm losing u to somebody else, but I'm actually losing u to u. I'm not sure if numbed is è truth or just an excuse I churn out as a supporting reason for my surprising calmness. I might be trying to conceal my most daunting emotions in front of u. I don't know, but it's tearing me apart.
Ever wanted so badly to help somebody, but u can really do nothing but to sit and watch him wither away?
Ever tried to sound perfectly alright over è phone trying to hide ur flowing tears & bleeding heart from somebody?
Ever held back a million cutting truth to set someone free?
Ever tasted disappointment cos that person ends up accusing u of not being understanding when u had literally sacrificed everything just to make him feel better?
I hate seeing through ur deceits. That ability just ain't within my control. I'm not blaming u for lying, but if u have to do it for heaven's sake please do a better job. Cos it hurts like fark each time I act like I've fallen for ur lies. Hopefully ur decision to be truthful will end it once & for all. & I really mean once & for all.
I should be glad but somehow è feeling of euphoria haven't got me. I can't evaluate my emotions. Half of me is happy that u're finally opening up but another half is yearning to continue living a lie. Ur truthfulness somehow denies me of è courage to make any further objections, but I know I'll hate u to è core if u let me uncover è devastating reality myself. I'm so contradicting & so fickle minded I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I fear è day that person makes u drift from me; è day when ur friends no longer mean that much anymore. Before u say I'm being paranoid, ask urself all these & cross ur heart: How many times have u left in è middle of our meet ups just because u wanted to meet that person? How many times u'll rather cancel our meet up to meet è same person if it means only both of us? Don't argue that u've already asked me whether u could go ahead. U mean I could say no? U've already decided. Besides u know jolly well that I'm not one bit of a control freak. Bet u didn't know this, but I'm feeling detached from ur life.
U're not a bit at fault, it's just me.
Everything I handled somehow became a mistake.
People like me should migrate to Mars one day in case I screw up beautiful earth.
**Don't ask me anything. Leave me alone.**
posted by Angie | Saturday, May 08, 2004
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