My pwetty pweeeeetty younger sister is attached!

Alright that wasn’t news. She’s been attached like since almost 2 months ago? Only that naughty gurl had kept me in the dark all these while. Lucky gurl, already sure of who she’s gonna spend her valentine’s with =)

At times like this when I see most people around me happily in a relationship, I would wish that my emotions wasn’t so rigid. To an extent I’m rather envious of my sister’s stunning efficiency in accepting someone new in her life. I see that she sees happiness this way but I know I can never be like her. Her older sister is a frigid freak who’s not sure of how she should convey her feelings to that someone who holds a special place in her heart for dynasties. She do not even know how to let other guys in her life. She’s almost bruised everywhere from kicking herself everytime she’s thinking if that someone is thinking of her too when she’s thinking of him.

I should be pretty confident about being myself at this point of my life. However it seems that when one have one too many wants, she would never lead a fulfilling life. It’s true, cuz after I fall seriously in like with this guy back in my sec school days & couldn’t make him mine, I realized I became someone who could never be satisfied with anything at all. I got myself striving hard for popularity, better reputation & to being a more lovable person all these years. I blindly do so without an ultimate goal.

It became more of an obsession than a proper goal to achieve. I just want to be a better person in everyway then realize everything is starting to get out of hand when I see the first sprout of materialism in myself. I love to console myself that I’m doing all this to be worthy of that guy one day, but no; each time I thought I’ve reached where I wanted to be, I did not stop to smell the flowers. Instead, I’m like hurrying through every stage of my life, trying so hard to look & behave my best all the while til at one point I forgot to divide my attention to that special someone. All I’ve sowed ended up in nothingness. What’s all the fuss about self-improvement over the years for, it suddenly hits me that actually do not know.

God could now take back whatever he had finally given me out of pity or whatsoever if he wants to. I don’t want them anymore. I just want to be reverted back to who I originally was. Perhaps I’ve finally realized that nothing meant anything anymore if I now have everything; everything but him.

Seeing increasingly more people around me getting attached is admittedly an invisible pressure for a twenty-year-old me to get a partner real soon. Everyone around me suddenly enjoyed playing the role of my nanny, perpetually nagging me about what’s taking me so long to find that special one. My Sunday gurls are dying to go on a quart-date & my parents are beginning to suspect that I’m lesbian with Wenyan. Lols, how ridiculous is that?

However as much pressure as I am under, I won’t dare to say that I’m very ready for another relationship yet. Look at me people, my new job has sucked the life out of me, and taking up most of my quality time I could have spent on my loved ones. I could hardly even fork out time to update my blog. Now that there might be a high possibility that I’ll have to surrender every Friday nights for netball, who am I to talk about commitment to relationships anymore? But then again, everything still depends on who the other party is lar.

Happy advanced valentine’s darlings!
Cuz I don’t know how long will it be til the next free time I can blog again.